Getting kicked out of the hospital

Thursday night I was informed that if in the morning, the doctors gave me the ok, I could go home Friday afternoon...2:00pm. Otherwise I would get charged another night, and the insurance would not cover it. Is this a hotel or something? Home? Already? Am I not cripple? I can't even go to the bathroom by myself...

So Thursday night was experimentation night. I used the bathroom by myself, but just barely. The first time I used the nurse call button but no one came. I thought I would have to stay there all night, but I rang the bell again, and someone came. I wonder if they would have noticed if I hadn't rung the bell again...

Friday, the doctor came, and told me that everything looked good. I had my back brace, and all I needed was for the physical therapists to come. The physical therapists came eventually..Around 10, and I would be discharged at 2pm. Great. So the first therapist came, and asked me to walk. So I took the bedside walker, and showed him how much I could walk. He said great, and promptly threw the walker aside and made me walk by myself. (At this point I was thinking...you want me to walk under my own power. haha!!!! funny...)
He decided that I was capable of walking, so he made me sit in the wheelchair, and carted me to the emergency stair case and dumped me at the foot of the staircase. He said, use the handrail and go up, and make sure to plant your whole foot on the stair. Fine. So I did that, and amazingly, there was no pain or anything. Cool... And coming down didn't seem to be a problem either. Awesome. I went back to the wheelchair, and I was carted back to my room.

That was my physical therapy session.

The occupational therapist was there asking me if I needed assistance doing anything. Embarrassingly, I admitted that I couldn't use the bathroom by myself, so she handed me some tongs. "This will help you reach..." Great. Thanks. She also suggested that I get a long shoe horn and such, and I thought, that's ok, I'll wear my flipflops. (Little did I remember that I lived in Portland, and the life of flip flops is short lived)

That was my occupational therapy session.

So that was it. Physical and occupational therapy was over. The nurse taking care of my section of the ward then gave me my prescriptions, and then asked me if I knew how to put on my brace. I said no. So she showed me, and told me that I should not be upright without it. Great.

She was about to walk away when I realized that I didn't really have any other instructions as to what I could or could not do. So I stopped her and asked if I could drive. Umm....probably not. Ok, I figured that much. Can I go to work. Um...no, probably not. Ok, yeah, duh... That was it. No explanation. I was supposed to meet my mom by the pick up area. Should I undress my gown? Oh, right. Yes, that would be great so that I don't have to expose my back side to the world. So my sweats went on, and I was on my way home. 2:00...on the dot.